Are you Truly Living?

The World Needs Strong Men with Strong Minds

“In the modern world, a truly strong man is one who embraces compassion, empathy, and vulnerability. These qualities not only make him more connected and authentic in his relationships but also allow him to contribute positively to society. It’s time to redefine strength, not as stoicism or emotional suppression, but as the courage to be open and emotionally available.”

         Dr. Warren Farrell

It’s a great question. But it immediately begs another question. What is truly living? For me it’s living with and on purpose. It’s understanding and being aware of yourself and what you want from life. It’s knowing how you can have the most positive impact on the world and understanding that your life is not about you, it’s about everyone else whose lives you touch.

If you think your life is about you and what you can get from it, you’re not truly living. Truly living is about knowing, understanding and ‘being’ yourself. It’s about following your passions, it’s about prioritising your wellbeing. It’s about doing more than just existing and surviving. It’s about finding joy and happiness in the simplest everyday experiences.

What Will You Say on your Deathbed?

No one sits on their deathbed wishing they’d spent more time at work, answered emails quicker, watched more Netflix, scrolled more on social media, drank more beer, been more stressed, had a nicer watch, had more meetings… the list goes on. But they may well wish they’d had more fulfilling relationships, been on more adventures, tried more things, met more interesting people and ultimately made more time to do the things they love with the people they love.

You’ll know if you are truly living by how you feel. If you feel dissatisfied, you’re not truly living, if you feel stressed and frustrated, you’re not truly living, if you feel stuck, numb, empty, directionless, miserable, anxious.. You are NOT truly living.

What is the Key to Truly Living?

Firstly it’s about clarity – knowing thyself. So much happens in life which takes you away from who you are. You compromise your values and principles to get ahead and to be successful. You play roles and create personas because you’re afraid to be yourself, afraid to be vulnerable. You create false confidence and bravado. You try to be what you think other people want you to be. You sacrifice yourself to please others, or to progress. You do anything you can not to appear weak. You get obsessed with status and therefore things like what watch you wear, which car you drive, how many bedrooms your house has, luxury holidays in Dubai, eating at the best restaurants.

Then one day you realise you have no idea who you are. What you care about. What you truly value. I know, I’ve been there. This is exactly what happened to me. Understanding that and getting clarity was the first step to truly living.

Turn Your Attention Inward

Secondly, it’s about turning your attention inward. Understanding your thoughts and emotions and what drives them. Becoming aware of the views, opinions and beliefs that form the lens through which you see yourself and the world. And locating those which hold you back, that cause you to procrastinate, self sabotage and limit what you think you’re capable of.

I’ve done that work, and still do it daily. Cultivating self awareness has allowed me to truly live. To design a life and lifestyle which allows me to serve the world. By being the best version of me. Fit, strong, healthy, joyful, happy, content, fulfilled and full of purpose and ambition. And that is my main focus and priority. Being the change I want to see in the world.

Learn to Actively Listen

Thirdly, it’s about having a plan for who you want to be. Focussing on who you are being, not what you are doing or having. What you REALLY want from life (here’s a clue it’s got nothing to do with stuff). How you can make the biggest impact. How you can really be there for the people in your life and how you can have the deepest and most fulfilling relationships. Learning how to actively listen, that is to listen to understand instead of respond.

Active listening completely changed me. I used to be a terrible listener. I always had a relatable story, an opinion, something to say. I had a horrible habit of talking over people or finishing their sentences. Especially women. Now I practise active listening everyday. I volunteer for The Samaritans where it is a core skill. It has helped me understand myself and others better. Have more compassion and empathy. It has made me stronger and more powerful. And allowed me to truly live.

Mastering the Art of Letting Go

A few months ago my friend and fellow coach Laura Toop, inspired by a LinkedIn post by the legendary Mark Carolan, decided to have a live discussion on LinkedIn to answer this very question. The response was remarkable. So we did part two. And it started to really get some momentum. It’s clearly a subject that interests a lot of people, and we really enjoy doing it.

And coming this Thursday is episode four! This one is called From Burden to Breakthrough: Mastering the Art of Letting Go. This is all about how you let the past dictate how you feel in the present. How you carry around emotional baggage because you cling on to it for dear life. Remembering the hurts, the traumas, the tragedies, the unfairness of life like you’re not allowed to move on. Carrying around regret, bitterness and anger, because you don’t want to forget how much it hurt. But this is like drinking poison and expecting someone else to die.

Power and Control

As men we have been falsely led to believe that we can have power and control, over our lives, over events and over people. When the truth is we can’t. This makes life incredibly frustrating. But when you let go, relinquish control and work on your responsibility instead, life becomes simpler and easier. What I mean by responsibility, is your ‘ability’ to ‘respond’. That’s where true power lies in controlling how you respond and in responding instead of reacting. That in turn controls how you feel. And also has a knock on effect on your thoughts too.

Join us on Thursday at 6.30pm BST for what is sure to be an enlightening and insightful conversation. We want to hear from you and we want you to join in. If you can’t make it on the night still click attend and that way you can watch the replay and let us know your thoughts. See you there.